


Everything's Funny With Our Romance

by Maraculate



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Actor!Jeremy, Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - No Squip, Awkward Dates, Awkward Flirting, Blind Date, Chance Meetings, F/F, Homophobia, Implied Sexual Content, Jeremy Heere Is An Anxious Twink, Jeremy and Jake are roommates, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Secrets, Singer!Jeremy, Strangers to Lovers, They're both awkward, not a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-06 06:05:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15880065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maraculate/pseuds/Maraculate
Summary: For one Jeremy Heere, love isn't really on his agenda. One day, Jake sets him on a blind date that he accepts, albeit reluctantly.In more ways than one, and in ways that Jeremy would expect to come out of one of Brooke's soap operas, his life shifts forever that night.





	1. Who The Fuck Are You?

**Author's Note:**

> I thought a good ol' strangers to lovers AU wouldn't be out of place. It's not what I usually write, but I've been watching a few Rom-Coms lately.

“But, Jeremy. This blind date will make you bod-acious!” Jake told him.

 

“...Bo-day-cious?” Jeremy suggested.

 

“That’s the word! Come on, just try it! Literally everyone in the squad is dating someone in the squad, but since none of us are into polylove or whatever, you’re single and ready to mingle!”

 

“Polyamorous?”

 

“That’s the word!”

 

Jeremy sighed, a sizable clump of hair falling in front of his face. He needed to gel it. Then again, he wasn’t super into this whole random person date... thing.

 

But then again, he should at least try not to be lonely as fuck. Putting himself out there wasn’t exactly the number one spot on his agenda, but Jake did put in the effort for setting him up on a blind date, after all.

 

Jeremy stepped out of their apartment and into the crisp air of the evening. Their apartment was kind of remote, but there was a gas station and a store nearby along with a city just fifteen minutes away by foot. It was really cheap, too, so for two college students working off their student debts, that was a hallelujah. Jake was actually a lawyer, surprisingly. No one believed he had the brain cells for it, but he genuinely studied and could argue like a Gambini from My Cousin Vinny. Minus the contempts of court.

  
The sun was almost gone by now, but the clouds covered up the rest of the sky. No stars tonight. That was disappointing. He always loved to stare up at the stars like he was in a sad music video about pining ‘n’ shit.

 

“Good luck, my son! You’re going to be not single and not ready to mingle! I promise this boy is amazing! He’s an old friend from my law class that he dropped after the first two days!” Jake shouted.

 

“It’s a boy?” Jeremy shouted back.

 

“What’s the problem with that?”

 

“Nothing, I’m just surprised!”

 

Jeremy turned back and kept walking. He stared at his outfit. He was wearing these black dress shoes that didn’t suffocate his feet, surprisingly. He wore loose dress pants along with a grey short-sleeved buttoned shirt. Jake said he looked cool, but he had to get the opinion of the person who knew what it meant to look _cool._

 

“Siri, call Brooke the Cook,” Jeremy said into his phone.

 

“Calling…”

 

“OHJErEMyWHAtUP!” Brooke answered before the first ring, somehow. “You haven’t called me in a while. Put me on FaceTime.”

 

Jeremy was going to anyway, but whatever.

 

“Why are you so dressed up? Are you going to see a play?” She guessed.

 

“Jake set me up on a blind date with some guy from his law class. Well, he dropped the class, so I know nothing about him.”

 

“Isn’t this your first date with a guy?”

 

“Yeah. I know I’m bi, but like… never dated another guy.”

 

“And you wanted my opinion on how you look? Well, first of all, your hair needs to be a bit fixed. Try, like… fingers or something,” Brooke said. “Make it flatter.”

 

Jeremy’s hair cooperated surprisingly and Brooke wasn’t able to detect a hair out of place.

 

“Add some swagger to your gait. Stand up straight,” Brooke demanded. Jeremy rolled his eyes, but he listened.

 

“Next?”

 

“Okay, now, what’s most important is that only I get to tell you to change yourself. Not even Chloe is allowed to bully you about your appearance anymore. That’s my job. If this guy tries to suggest that you should change something about yourself, he’s a deal breaker. Of course, there’s sometimes exceptions, but those are few and far between,” Brooke explained. “Just have a good time, and also, where are you meeting him?”

 

“A fancy schmancy place that has John’s pizza quality pizza. Jake set it all up, and he said that his friend would pay for it, so I have nothing to lose,” he shrugged. “Except time.”

 

“Well, that’s good. So, anyway, your outfit looks nice and you look adorable. Just calm yourself and be friendly, not a doormat. Be stern, but not a cunt. And don’t talk about politics until after you meet his family,” Brooke advised. “Chloe’s telling me that it’s time for more pictures and a new face of makeup. Afterwards, I’m going to stuff my face with ShakeShack.”

 

“Sounds like a dream.” Jeremy hung up first. He tapped his fingers against his leg and resisted the urge to mess with his hair. After stepping inside the place, he asked about a reservation under Jake Dillinger.

 

“Right this way. I’m assuming you’re Jeremy?” The girl asked.

 

“I am…” He replied in a small voice.

 

“I’m Jake’s friend, Sadia,” she said. She wore a waitress outfit similar to the ones in, well, Waitress except it was black instead of blue. She had a hijab on along with thin glasses that covered calculating brown eyes. To Jeremy, she looked like a bookworm of sorts. Then again, intelligent people and Jake don’t tend to mix unless you’re a part of the Ecstasy Squad back in Junior year.

 

Jeremy reviewed that last sentence in his head. Correction, Jake’s only intelligent friend was Jenna. As much as he loved the squad, only Jenna read books, read political articles, and educated herself in the world. She worked for the FBI, actually.

 

“Hi,” Jeremy added in.

 

“He told me about your social awkwardness. So, it’s okay. You won’t have to say much. Between you and me, this guy prattles on,” Sadia whispered. Jeremy chuckled and let her guide him.

 

The restaurant was great, to put it simply. Low light chandeliers hung above every three tables and booths. The layout was really simple: booths on the walls to the left and right and tables in the middle. They were made of some sleek brown wood Jeremy assumed was Mahogany (it sounded fancy, so why not?) and the red carpet was embroiders with gold swirls and lines. It was oddly silent minus the chatter. No music played.

 

And the guy was definitely hot. He looked similar to Jake, but he had a buzz cut instead of gelled up hair. He was pretty buff through the typical black suit white undershirt look, and he had bright green eyes. His face was like a pentagon almost with a strong chin and sharp jawline.

 

“Hi, Jeremy. My name’s Dustin. Dustin Krupp.” He shook hands with him.

 

“A waiter will be right with you guys,” Sadia smiled.

 

“You’re Jake’s friend?” Jeremy mumbled.

 

“Mmhmm. I thought about being a lawyer, but I decided that pursuing acting would be better. Then, I dropped acting and decided that I wanted to be a photographer and work part-time as a physical therapist.”

 

“I’ve done work in off-broadway. I also played understudy to Fiyero,” Jeremy told him. His sentences were stilted, not offering more information than needed. He noted how everything Dustin said came out simply. He was jealous of that.

 

“Who’s Fiyero?”

 

“Wicked?” Jeremy inwardly sighed. Goddammit, did Jake not know of Jeremy’s musical obsession?

 

“Oh, right. So, what do you like to do? Hobbies and stuff?”

 

“Well, I like sewing. I spend a lot of my time playing games-“

 

“Xbox or PS4?”

 

“PC.”

 

“Very good.”

 

That made Jeremy laugh. “And… I stress bake. Jake complains about having to burn off the sugar since he enjoys my stuff.”

 

“Think I’ll get a try of that stuff?”

 

“Maybe!” Jeremy laughed again.

 

“So, I see the star of Daveed around your neck,” Dustin said.

 

“David?” Jeremy wondered. Maybe he was as smart as Jake.

 

“I’m an atheist, so I thought getting that out of the way would be beneficial,” Dustin replied. “I don’t really care if you’re Jewish or not. Nothing against them.”

 

“Too bad the Nazis couldn’t think the same,” Jeremy darkly sighed. He had enough of the Nazi jokes in high school made around him. He admitted that he found some of them funny due to his fucked up sense of humor, but there was a difference between a meme and a swastika on his locker. Wait, shit, why did he just respond with Nazis? Not only was that a bit inappropriate at a restaurant, but-

 

“I should also mention I don’t think the Holocaust happened.”

 

Woah, woah, woah. Jeremy did not just hear that come out of his mouth. He did not just hear one of the dumbest statements in History being said in front of him.

 

“Wait, sorry. What did you say? I misheard.”

 

This was his second chance.

 

“The Holocaust didn’t happen.”

 

Jeremy nodded like he understood what the fuck kind of bull crap came out of his mouth. Dustin seemed like a great guy, honestly. What the fuck happened?

 

“So… where do you think those… seventy million people went? Did they just catch the Black Plague a few hundred years later?” Jeremy lost his shyness. Fuck that.

 

“Dude, it was a joke. Sorry. Jake said you appreciated stupid jokes.”

 

Yeah, stupid jokes like when Jake said extra-circular activities, not mentally slow things like the Holocaust was a lie!

 

“I see,” Jeremy realized. “It’s fine, then,” he lied.

 

“Well, moving on, my hobbies include-“

 

“What would you like to drink?” A new waitress asked.

 

“Pepsi,” Jeremy said.

 

“We only have- oh, never mind,” the waitress caught herself.

 

“I’ll have Sam Adams, please.”

 

“Right away.”

 

Jeremy lost all interest in the conversation. He started silently nitpicking all of his bad habits. He rubbed his hands together a lot and picked at his nails. Dustin would also project a lot which got them a few shushes. Jeremy was really wishing that he could end the date, but he didn’t have the confidence to do so, and besides, he was getting a free meal. So, he ordered a personal bacon pie and Dustin ordered a personal pineapple pie.

 

Jeremy wanted to die in that moment.

 

“We don’t have live music. The band got held up by something,” the manager hissed to his waitress.

 

“What should we do? I don’t know anyone who can sing.”

 

“What’s the problem?” Sadia went over.

 

“No band. No live music. We promised live music.”

 

“Wait, I have an idea,” Sadia told them. She went over to Jeremy.

 

“Hi Sadia,” Jeremy silently thanked her interruption.

 

“Jake told me a bit about you. You can sing, right?” She asked.

 

“I did a few shows and stuff, yeah. I can sing,” Jeremy answered. “Why?”

 

“We’d be willing to pay you to sing since our band didn’t show up. What songs do you know that aren’t broadway tunes?”

 

“Uh… Barcelona, Galway Girl, Havana, Piano Man, In My Life, Don’t Fear The Reaper, Dream On, No Roots?” He shrugged.

 

“Piano Man, In My Life, No Roots, or Galway Girl would work. Can you come with me?”

 

“Wait, Jeremy, we’re on a-“

 

“Coming!” Jeremy darted his eyes left and right as he ran off.

 

“This is our guitarist, Alex. This is our piano girl, Eliza,” Sadia introduced them.

 

“Do you guys know In My Life?” Jeremy shifted his weight from one foot to another. Shit, they were both attractive. True bisexual agenda. Alex had a nice beard and Eliza had the most beautiful green dress ever.

 

They both nodded. Alex had a cocky grin while Eliza had the sweetest smile.

 

Jeremy went up with them on top of the stage. It was a small brown platform with a sneak piano. Jeremy sat on top of it and Eliza sat down nearby while Alex tuned his guitar.

 

“One, two, three, four, un, deux, trois, go,” Eliza whispered.

 

Alex started strumming. Jeremy gulped and put the microphone up to his lips.

 

_“There are places I remember. All my life… though some have changed. Some forever, not for better! Some have gone, and some remain. All these places had their own moments!”_

 

Everyone was watching him intently, neutral expressions on their face. He was used to that. He could do this.

 

_“With lovers and friends, I still can recall. Some are dead and some are living. In my life, I’ve loved them all.”_

 

Dustin was looking. Jeremy looked to the opposite side.

 

_“But of all these friends and lovers. There is no one that compares with you. And these memories lose their meaning… when I think of love as something new. Oh, I know I’ll never lose affection. For people and things that went before.”_

 

Jeremy turned to Eliza, smiled, and she grinned. Alex shot him a jealous look and then Jeremy smiled at Alex. He rolled his eyes, let a grin claw onto his face, and focused back on strumming.

 

Jeremy knew it would probably piss off Dustin, so he decided to just be petty and non-vocally flirt.

 

_“I know I’ll often stop and think about them. In my life, I’ve loved you more.”_

 

The people were smiling or had their eyes closed. He felt calm and in his element.

 

_“Though I know I’ll never lose affection. For people and things that went before. I know I’ll often stop and think about them. In my life, I’ve loved you more.”_

 

Jeremy mouthed for Eliza and Alex to join in on the final lyric.

 

_“In my life! I’ve loved you more.”_

 

Holy shit, Jeremy wanted to take them both out to dinner. Alex’s voice was the strongest while Eliza had the sweetest voice. Why weren’t they singing?

 

Everyone applauded. Jeremy felt a few droplets of sweat run down his face. He grabbed a napkin from nearby and swallowed his spit.

 

“Man, what are you doing here?” An older gentleman came up to Jeremy. “You should be out making records with that kind of voice.”

 

“Aw, thank you. I’m actually a play actor. Not… TV shows. Yeah, you could figure that out,” Jeremy looked down and sighed awkwardly. He laughed goodnaturedly and shook Jeremy’s hand.

 

“Do you want to work here?” Sadia asked him. “Please say yes.”

 

“Even if I did say yes, it would only be for a few weeks at best,” Jeremy admitted.

 

“Also, here’s what should’ve been the band’s pay.” She handed him a wad of bills.

 

Two hundred and fifty dollars? Jeremy got that much in one song when the band was, assumedly, playing more songs?

 

“That’s just for the one song.”

 

Jeremy’s jaw nearly hit the floor. “So should I start Piano Man in a few minutes? I would love to work for those few weeks!”

 

Holy shit, Jeremy might actually be able to eat food that wasn’t instant noodles. Jake’s part-time job as a babysitter wasn’t exactly doing them any huge favors. His acting job would usually be good pay, but that only lasted so long with student loans eating away at it. Also, Jake had a bad habit of buying beer and junk for parties. He liked parties.

 

Jeremy thought about how Jake had been his college roommate. He acted as a mental health booster and smacked confidence into Jeremy whenever he was super anxious about everything. Yeah, everything, not anything.

 

Jeremy got back on the piano and cleared his throat. Eliza cracked her knuckles and Alex flicked his hands around like he had just gotten out of the bathroom.

 

And three songs later, Jeremy was a freaking hit.

 

He was breathless, sweaty, and anxious, but the people loved his voice. He saw someone argue with a family member about having to leave and that made him chuckle. A few people even gave him tips which he gratefully accepted. If he wasn’t kind of broke, he would refuse them. But he made $1238.33.

 

When he looked at Dustin’s seat, he was gone, and the receipt was gone, too. He was smart enough to figure out that Jeremy didn’t want to talk to him anymore.

 

“So, Sadia. When should I come back? I’ll definitely learn more songs if needed,” Jeremy said.

 

“I’d recommend learning these songs. Not all of them, of course, but they’re definitely made for this kind of setting.” Sadia handed him a piece of paper and there were fifty songs. Beatles and Billy Joel were pretty popular. F.U.N.’s Carry On was in it. Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks, surprisingly. Havana by Camilla Cabello? Really? Is This Love by Bob Marley was the only one he didn’t recognize.

 

“I’ll do what I can. When should I come back?” Jeremy tilted his head.

 

“Four days,” Sadia answered.

 

“Right. Seven?” Jeremy suggested.

 

“Seven to eight is our busiest hour, so yes, please.”

 

Jeremy already know most of the songs on the list by heart, so he would probably practice them.

 

“I’d be happy to work here. Thank you, Sadia.” Jeremy nodded giddily.

 

Before Jeremy could get outside, a man stopped him. He was kind of plain, but also cute. He had slicked back dark hair along with tanned skin. He wore a red and black plaid buttoned shirt and black dress pants. He had thick rectangular glasses and black earrings. His brown eyes were a bit dull, but they also portrayed a thin sense of urgency and nervousness.

 

“Um, hi?” Jeremy waved. He dropped his hand awkwardly.

 

“Do you know who I am?” His tone wasn’t rude, but just curious.

 

“A cute guy? I dunno.” Woah, wait, what? Jeremy did not just say that to a stranger. A taller stranger with a kinda round yet cute face with a strong chin and- okay, maybe saying that wasn’t the weirdest thing ever, but to a stranger? Like, what the Hell?

 

That man grinned at the compliment. “Well, this makes me less nervous. Can I take you out on a date sometime?”

 

Now, Jeremy wanted to accept. He had no real reason not to. Well, except…

 

“I just got out of a bad date. I’m keeping my status single for a…” Jeremy realized how stupid he was mid-sentence. It wasn’t like Dustin mentally abused him. What did he mean, ‘keep his status single’ like, Jeremy didn’t have suitors lining up to meet him! “Ignore that. Yes, I would appreciate a date.”

 

Sure, Jeremy wasn’t super into the dating scene yet, but he would be stupid to offer down a date with this cute boy. It made him play Stupid With Love from Mean Girls in his head like a YouTube video on repeat.

 

The man went from a disappointed neutral look to an elated grin. “I’ll take you to my favorite restaurant. Not tonight, obviously. Here’s my number,” he said.

 

“Wait, tell me your name, first. I’m Jeremiah Heere, but Jeremy is what I prefer.”

 

“Michael Mell. Nice to meet you here,” he said.

 

Uh oh. “Was that intentional?”

 

“Was what intentional?” Michael asked as he gingerly took Jeremy’s phone.

 

“Nothing.” He shook his head. God, Jeremy had a lifetime filled with shitty puns about his name.

 

“Well, can I give you a ride home?” Michael asked. Jeremy nodded and led him to his PT Cruiser.

 

“Oh, cool car. Wish I had one,” Jeremy chuckled. “Not really. Too expensive.”

 

Michael laughed, but it seemed more at him. Jeremy just chalked it up to him being tired instead of taking it personally.

 

“Where do you live?” Michael asked.

 

“That abandoned road with the single motel building.” Jeremy pointed.

 

“I see it.”

 

Jeremy went over his total of 0 messages on his phone. He pretended to be doing something social when really he was just setting a reminder.

 

“Well, thank you, Michael. It was nice meeting you.” Jeremy shook his hand.

 

“You too. You have a pretty voice.”

 

Jeremy grinned a bit and went back inside.

 

“Hey, bro! How’d it go?” Jake beamed.

 

“You know how you told him that I like stupid jokes?” Jeremy said with a bright smile.

 

“He told you a funny pun about your last name?”

 

“Those don’t exist. He actually thought a Holocaust joke was appropriate in a restaurant!” Jeremy never let the smile drop. “So I kinda left him with the bill, then I filled in for the band that was supposed to play, and then I made over a thousand bucks.”

 

Jake stared at him dumbly. Uh oh, did Jeremy speak in complex sentences again? He must’ve broken Jake’s mind.

 

“A thousand bucks? Dude, we should-“

 

“Put this in my bank account before you say party?” Jeremy suggested. “Rent day’s coming up.”

 

“Ugh. My student loans are creeping up, too.” He rolled his eyes.

 

“But there was another silver lining. A cute boy named Michael Mell talked to me and asked me out.”

 

“Oh, cool! Describe him!” Jake said.

 

“Well, he was like a jewel.” Jake stared at him with the most confused look. It was like an alien looking at a microwave and Jeremy was trying to explain that he liked the way the food atoms vibrated. “No, not a fucking vape, a gem. Pretty to look that, more spectacular the longer and harder I looked. He had tanned skin and a really nice suit on. Maybe he’s rich?”

 

“Ah, gold digging. The dream of every college student,” Jake sighed. “Still, I can’t wait to meet this new boy toy.”

 

“Don’t you say it like that!” Jeremy squawked. “I would literally cry if I took advantage of a nice person like that.”

 

“That’ll be an attractive sight. Maybe he’ll see you as a weak man whom he’ll need to protect!” Jake teased.

 

Jeremy wasn’t sure what was more shocking, the fact that Jake insulted him that harshly or the fact that he used whom correctly in a sentence.

 

“I am a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man to protect me.” Jeremy flexed his non-existent muscles. “Not that I could protect any woman, anyway. So the independent thing, should I ever get a girlfriend, will never be an issue.”

 

“Hey, man, that’s alright. Women are tough. Have you ever met Chloe? Or Brooke when she’s angry? Or Jenna when she gossips about you? Or Christine when someone is mean to you, especially? I didn’t give an example for Chloe because she scares everyone.”

 

Jeremy nodded in agreement. God, he remembered that time when one of his songs Chloe cry. She nearly throttled him. “Well, I lost and gained a boyfriend tonight, so the karmic balance of the universe is at peace. I will return to my den of hibernation for the long Winter ahead.” Jeremy shuffled out of his clothes and into his boxers. They didn’t give a shit about what they wore as long as they wore _something_ at all times. They were bros, but they didn’t want to see each other’s dick.

 

“You could just say good night?” Jake suggested.

 

“And deprive you of my purple prose?”

 

“I don’t know what that means!”

 

Jeremy snorted, “Hasta mañana, mi amigo.”

 

“Si!” Jake replied awkwardly. He failed Spanish in high school and had to switch to Italian. “Bruno’s notches!”

 

That was the second statement that pissed Jeremy off that night.


	2. Of Icees and Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Furry tries to calm down before date with sugar daddy, but then he dies inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I did not give up on this story. Yes, I want more people to read it. PLEASE READ IT.
> 
> (Probably shouldn't put this note in chapter 2 but it's whatevs)

“Eleka nahmen nahmen ah tum ah tum-” Jeremy started.

 

“What did I say about witchcraft this early in the morning?” Jake interrupted. Dammit, Jake, why couldn’t you just let Jeremy conduct his magic in peace?

 

“You’ve never even listened to Wicked!”

 

“When you blast your songs on YouTube at a hundred percent, I pick up on them,” Jake complained. “Besides, it sounds like witchcraft either way. I’m smart enough to pick up on that much.”

 

He wasn’t smart enough to know whom Cthulhu was, however, but Jeremy held back the insult. Fucking uncultured bitch. Maybe Lovecraft had a few race issues to work out, but he still wrote some pretty good books.

 

Lovecraft was actually the reason Jeremy hated cats, or at least, part of the reason why. He was also allergic to the fuckers.

 

Jeremy still threw his pillow at Jake for his complaints. “Michael texted me. He said that we’re going to his favorite restaurant or something.”

 

His face lit up in a flip of a switch. “Look at you, getting all these people to pay for your dinners. Makes me a bit jealous,” Jake huffed.

 

“Get Rich to take you on a date.” Wasn’t Rich a cop? Firefighter? One of those two. The ladder would be ironic considering what happened in high school. Or maybe it’s a catharsis for him.

 

“He’s not rich, yet. Besides, next date’s on me. We switch.”

 

Jeremy snorted at the wording. Jake just tilted his head. “Nothing,” Jeremy lied. Heh, heh, switch.

 

Their apartment was basic. That was it.

 

There were baby blue walls that had multiple chipped paint areas, two low quality mattresses that came with the room, a mini fridge or two, a few cabinets with stale chips and instant noodles, and in general, depression stunk up the air that not even their ten dollar air conditioner could get rid of. Jeremy sweated through his sheets and knew he would have to wash them. Quite unfortunate.

 

“He wanted to pick me up for lunch. Dunno where he’s taking me. If it’s to a cemetery to kill me though, I’ll have to thank him,” Jeremy said.

 

Jake started cackling from his bed and Jeremy surfed through his Twitter and Instagram and after a total of 0 messages, he went on Reddit out of boredom.

 

M-->J: ‘Hey, I’m back here. Heere. LOL.’ 12:00 PM

 

J-->M: ‘Please don’t make puns of my last name.’ 12:01 PM

 

M-->J: ‘Boo, you whore.’ 12:01 PM

 

J-->M: ‘I may not be smart, but… that’s it.’ 12:01 PM

 

Jeremy got a few crying face emojis from that exchange. He liked texting with Michael already. Not only was he cultured in good movies, he was kind of funny.

 

He threw off his t-shirt and put on another t-shirt that was cleaner. It was an old Apocalypse of the Damned shirt that he got in high school that he never wore in school because he wasn’t an idiot.

 

“Remember! Dick sucking isn’t until after the third date!” Jake reminded him.

 

“I’m not going to give him the big succ, Jake. This is our first date,” I rolled my eyes. Jake nodded approvingly and Jeremy ran to Michael’s car, the gravel crunching under his sand.

 

“Hey, Jere,” Michael waved from outside the car. He held the door open for Jeremy and the lankier of the two decided to do something bold.

 

Jeremy kissed him on the cheek in appreciation.

 

Now, most people wouldn’t call that super bold, but for Jeremy, it was completely out-of-character. He read somewhere that surprise kisses were… romantic? Sort of? He couldn’t recall it exactly. But anyway, Michael’s wide grin told Jeremy that he made a good move.

 

“Thanks for taking me out,” Jeremy chuckled. This was easier. Why was this easier than with Dustin? Maybe it was because Jeremy actually chose this date? The sudden boost in confidence was definitely appreciated, no matter the reasoning.

 

“Thank you for letting me take you out,” Michael replied. He drove off into the city and Jeremy subconsciously leaned towards his air conditioner. While temporary, Jeremy would appreciate the blast of cold air.

 

“Can I ask where?” Jeremy asked.

 

“There’s two places. A lower quality one and a higher quality one. Which one do you want to go to first?”

 

“Lower quality,” Jeremy said. He preferred bad news first. 

 

“Okay.” Michael looked surprised.

 

About fifteen minutes later, they were closer to the opposite side of the city. They stopped in front of a sushi bar and Jeremy silently cheered. Sushi was amazing and he would execute anyone who disagreed.

 

“This place looks awesome. Thank you for taking me,” Jeremy beamed. Michael shrugged and got of the car. If this was the lower quality place, Jeremy wanted to know what the higher quality place was. He actually felt kind of bad for Michael spending that much money on him. He slid his hand into Michael’s and squeezed it once.

 

At least that made Michael smile. He had a pretty smile.

 

The sushi bar was pretty run-of-the-mill. Japanese paintings and characters littered the walls and the overall chatter of the room blended with the current pop hit. The floor was made of a really light wood that made a hollow thunking sound with every step. A waitress took them to a seat near the window and Jeremy shrunk out of the way of the light of the day. 

 

“You really don’t mind spending money on a nice place like this? And you call it low-quality?” Jeremy scoffed.

 

“I don’t want to explain, but let’s just say that I’ve had better. I’m really not trying to sound spoiled.”

 

Well, that did sound a bit spoiled, but Jeremy forgave him. “Alright. So, tell me about yourself.”

 

That got his attention. His gaze sharpened, and his body language seemed to freeze up on reflex. Jeremy felt sorry that he asked that question, but his monstrous curiosity just flared up. He wasn’t sure if he would let it go.

 

“I’m kind of a drifter,” Michael started. “I’m not from around here.”

 

“What state?”

 

“No, you don’t get it. I’m not from here. This continent.”

 

Woah, woah, woah, what? “Then where?”

 

“The Philippines. I’ve been in this country for six months, at best.”

 

“Then what the Hell are you doing here?” Jeremy asked. “Like, out of all the places in America, why here?” They were currently in Monmouth, New Jersey. It wasn’t exactly the number one tourist destination.

 

“It’s just archaic. In a nice way. My life isn’t simple.”

 

“Whose is? Can you speak Tagalog?” Jeremy asked.

 

“No, I speak Tagalog.”

 

“That’s what I said.”

 

“Wait, seriously?” Michael widened his eyes. “Oh my God, you didn’t say that I spoke Filipino. I’m so proud of you!” He beamed.

 

“Hi, can I get you two something to drink?” A waiter asked.

 

“Just water for me,” Michael said.

 

“Sprite, thanks,” Jeremy replied.

 

“Are you going to get all-you-can-eat?” Michael asked.

 

“Yeah. What else do you get at a sushi place?” Jeremy rolled his eyes.

 

“This place doesn’t have very good tempura. You didn’t hear it from me,” Michael whispered. Jeremy chuckled.

 

“Personally, I really like California rolls. Also, salmon and avocado.”

 

“They have these giant pink colored sushi that is really good. Like, it’s unexpected in such a great way,” Michael reminded him.

 

“I’ll try those with you first.”

 

They idly chattered about anything and everything.

 

“So, how was level nine?” Michael pointed.

 

“The worst thing ev- oh my God, you play Apocalypse of the Damned.” Jeremy blinked five times. He pulled out his phone and texted Jake that Michael might just be the right one for him.

 

“What was that about?” He snorted after Jeremy hastily threw his phone back in his pocket.

 

“I just had to tell my roommate that I finally had someone to play that game with. I just played by myself in school, and it sucked,” Jeremy sighed. “Now, I meet you.”

 

“We can go back to my place and play if you’d like. Unless you have plans?” Michael pointed.

 

Ooh, smooth segue. Jeremy had to respect how calm and flirty Michael was. Jeremy was pretty sure that his inner nervousness and unconscious desire to sabotage himself was coming back, so he had to choke those feelings.

 

“I don’t have any other plans,” Jeremy finally got out. He did it, whoo!

 

“Sorry, I just went deaf for a moment.” Michael rubbed his glasses. “What?”

 

“I have to go home and practice some of the songs,” Jeremy replied. Wait, what? What was he doing? Why did he say that?

 

“Oh. Oh! Right, you’re singing last night. God, I forgot. You entranced me with your rendition of Galway Girl. That was awesome,” Michael praised him.

 

“Aw… th-thanks.”

 

FUCK, HIS STUTTER WAS BACK! Abort mission, abort mission.

 

“You two ready to order?” A woman came by.

 

Random lady number three just earned Jeremy’s eternal favor. They started with the pink sushi Michael talked about. She smiled and left.

 

“I joined choir in high school and improved in college. I haven’t exactly jump started my acting career. Maybe this will get me some exposure or… something? I don’t know, exactly,” Jeremy admitted. “I’m a broke adult who survives on noodles.”

 

“I had singing lessons for a decent time. I can carry a tune, but not like you,” Michael said. He took one of those pea pod looking things and squeezed a pellet into his mouth. “I do okay for myself.”

 

“What is that?” Jeremy asked.

 

“I believe they’re soybeans. They cooked them, they’re good. Try it. You just squeeze one out into your mouth.”

 

Jeremy did so. They didn’t have a particular taste, but the texture was nice. The pod was also salty, so that made up for it. He was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to lick it like a freak though.

 

“I know the convo was going good, but do you want to play a sudden melee death game of twenty questions?” Michael asked.

 

“Sure, why not? You go first. I bet you’re a filthy Fox main, though.”

 

“Favorite color? Also, don’t insult my God, Fox.”

 

“Blue. Favorite drink?”

 

“Lemon slushie. Favorite band?”

 

“An Indie band called The Front Bottoms. Favorite song?”

 

“War Pigs by Black Sabbath. Something about it is just freaking awesome. Even though the first two lines rhymes masses with masses,” Michael chuckled.

 

“I know the song. It’s a politically moved song or something like that. I forget what it’s about, though. I don’t listen to much old stuff besides Beatles and other classic rock artists,” Jeremy said. 

 

Michael shuddered. It was a bit cold inside. “Sexuality?”

 

Jeremy snorted. “I like males and females, thanks. I’ll return the question to you.”

 

“Only like the dudes. Like you.”

 

Jeremy rolled his eyes, but that jump started his heart slightly. Michael was a bit cocky, so he wasn’t going to let  _ every _ nice thing he said get to him. Brooke told him to play a little hard to get to keep things spicy which Jeremy didn’t understand, but he listened, anyway. 

 

“Okay, Jeremy, favorite high school memor- food’s here.”

 

Jeremy poured the (lamb) soy sauce into a little container and a bit of wasabi for that extra spice. He wasn’t so white that he couldn’t handle spices. He actually really liked peppers and hot wings. It was just that too much of wasabi would start to ruin the taste.

 

And that was when Michael’s question sank in. God, he didn’t have a lot of happy memories. Like, sure, the Ecstasy Squad was great in senior year, but it wasn’t until college until he could truly let go of all that bullshit that they put them through. He wasn’t going to say that to Michael on the first date, lest he scared him off, but he had to come up with something.

 

“I was the lead in senior year. We did La Traviata in English,” Jeremy said.

 

“Don’t know it. Sounds cool, theatre nerd.”

 

“Theatre nerd? That’s all you got?” Jeremy mocked him.

 

“Were you one of those people who put Bible quotes in your Instagram bio along with every hobby you had?” Michael asked.

 

“No. First of all, I’m Jewish. Second of all, even I’m not that lame. Quoting the Bible doesn’t make you a good person. Galatians, four-sixteen, by the way.”

 

Michael gave him a scrutinizing look. “Is that a mean quote?”

 

“To paraphrase, have I become your enemy because I tell you the truth?” Jeremy answered. Michael burst into a fit of laughter and Jeremy joined him. “Eat your sushi.”

 

They finished relatively quickly. Jeremy then got salmon while Michael got eel.

 

“I’m sorry, but I hate eel. I tried it, and it’s not the s-seafood for me,” Jeremy said. If he could put a bullet in his stupid anxious stutter, he would because holy fuck, he just wanted to talk to the cute boy in peace. It was going so well, actually!

 

“I don’t care,” Michael shrugged. 

 

“Ah, I see. I thought we would have to fight to the death over our differing positions,” Jeremy awkwardly chuckled. Michael put on a small smile and let out a breathy laugh. 

 

Shit, it was a fake laugh. Fuck, fuck, reel it back. Salvage it. Why did Jeremy have to ruin everything for himself?

 

Jeremy could at least chalk up the silence to them eating. When Michael finished his last pieces, Jeremy took about a minute longer just to avoid conversation. It was all downhill from here. This would be the last time a boy would ever ask him out that was actually cute and nice, so this was it. The date was nice while it lasted. He was too nervous to change his mind about going back to Michael’s place.

 

“I think I’ll order those California rolls."

 

“Same, Mike,” Jeremy curtly nodded. 

 

God why was he such a weirdo? Also, Michael’s slight grimace showed that he didn’t like being called Mike. Jeremy wanted to be like that guy who missed a mini golf shot and just jumped into the water, away from his problems.

 

Their interactions got stinted and limited after that. Jeremy found himself holding his breath sometimes and he had to remember to relax before he went into shock in a sushi restaurant.

 

After their sixth servings, Jeremy coughed and burped slightly. “I’m done. Thank you for the food.”

 

“Not like I cooked it.”

 

“You paid.”

 

“Oh, that reminds me! You’re not too full for drinks, are you?” Michael asked.

 

“If it’s a drink, no, but…” Jeremy started. “What bar?”

 

“It’s Seven Eleven. That’s the high quality place I mentioned before.”

 

Okay, so no one was perfect, but what person thought Seven-Eleven was higher quality than sushi? Maybe JD, but Jeremy didn’t want a yandere boyfriend! 

 

“Explain to me why you think Seven Eleven is better than sushi?” Jeremy scoffed.

 

“Well,” Michael started. “I’ve been through ten high schools. They start to get blurry-”

 

“Okay, JD, listen up-” Jeremy interrupted him. Some of the tension melted away.

 

Michael grabbed the check and quickly dropped a couple of twenties. Oh, shit, he tipped the full price. Was Jeremy on a date with a sugar daddy?

 

“C’mon. Let’s go,” Michael said. Jeremy followed him out of the restaurant, a bit less nervous than before. Considering that Michael still wanted to hang out with him, er, date him, Jeremy rationalized that he didn’t completely screw up everything.

 

Michael drove in silence to the Seven Eleven. Was Jeremy boring him? Maybe he should find a way to break the ice? Maybe Michael was just trying to finish the date and get it over with? Ugh, fuck, Jeremy hated his head, sometimes.

 

“Something on your mind? You seem out of it,” Michael said when they got to the red light.

 

“Hmm?” Jeremy snapped out of it.

 

“Never mind. We’re almost there,” Michael pointed.

 

Jeremy squinted. Shit, would he need glasses? He didn’t have enough money to pay to see.

 

It had gotten a bit musty out. Stepping into Seven Eleven was stepping into a tundra, however. 

 

“I’ll just get a Big Gulp or something,” Jeremy muttered.

 

“You’re kidding, right?”

 

“I’ll just buy myself a slushie, then, damn.”

 

“I think I can afford to give my boyfriend a slushie.”

 

“Michael, it’s sweet of you, but you just paid for my lunch. Paying for slushies is the least I can do,” he weakly insisted.

 

“I offered to take you out, right? If you want a second date, then maybe you could do something for me. Right now, though, I’ll handle it,” Michael promised.

 

He remembered in this episode of The Middle when Sue went to college and had a crazy rich roommate. Frankie warned her that she used to have a friend like that, but when she started mooching off her yachts and such, they stopped talking. He didn’t want Michael to think he was using him (if anything, people would use Jeremy if he had any use). Jeremy just wasn’t bold enough to continue the argument, unfortunately.

 

Michael bought a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos along with a Lemon slushie. Jeremy got the Raspberry one and slurped guiltily behind Michael like a child who had to beg their parents to stop somewhere.

 

“You said you had to go home, right?” Michael tilted his head.

 

Okay, this was it. Jeremy just had to say no and change his mind. He just had to-

 

“Yeah.”

 

Double fuck.

 

Michael nodded and Jeremy screamed internally the entire car ride. When he stopped in front of Jeremy’s apartment, he leaned in with his arms and Jeremy somehow took that as an invitation to kiss.

 

Which resulted in a clash of foreheads and Jeremy falling into Michael’s lap.

 

“Ow, shit!”

 

“Enjoying the party down there?” Michael deadpanned. Jeremy scrambled out of his lap and hurriedly got out of the car.

 

“I’m sorry!”

 

“Wait, Jeremy, I didn’t mean anything by i- and he’s inside. Wow, that skinny boy can run fast,” Michael murmured.

 

Jeremy hyperventilated behind the door. God, why did it all go wrong? He opened his phone and saw Michael’s text.

 

M-->J: ‘U ok?’ 1:52 PM

 

Jeremy hesitated, but he decided the truth was easier over text than in person.

 

J-->M: ‘I’m just embarrassed. I had a good time, it’s just that I’m… being myself.’ 1:55 PM

 

M-->J: ‘Y is that bad?’ 1:56 PM

 

J-->M: ‘Being myself means sweating, nervous tics, and just being an overall pushover.’ 1:56 PM

 

M--J: ‘It may not mean much, but I had fun. And I was a bit nervous, too, but I just have practice hiding it. It’s flattering to hear that you care a lot about the date. Hold on, I’ll call.’ 1:57 PM

 

Jeremy’s phone buzzed and Michael’s name appeared. He took a deep breath and answered.

 

“I like you, Jeremy. You didn’t mess up anything.”

 

“You sure?” Jeremy replied, an awkward laugh escaped his mouth. Goddammit, why couldn’t Jeremy just act like he did with Dustin? It would almost be easier if Michael said something blatantly racist, so Jeremy could just never think of his stupidly amazing self!

 

“I’m sure. Text me whenever you want to go on another date, okay? I’m only a short drive away.”

 

“Right. Thanks.” Jeremy ran a hand through his hair. “Michael, I really had a g-good time.”

 

“Me too.”

 

Jeremy hung up first and flushed a bit.

 

“So, date gone well or did you walk the prank?” Jake asked from the ceiling. He was hanging by his feet on a bar.

 

“Doesn’t that hurt?” Jeremy cringed. “Wait, how long were you there?”

 

“Not if you do it right. Besides, my bed is right below!”

 

Well, Jeremy thought. Brain damage couldn’t possibly get worse with Jake. “Alright, then.”

 

“To answer your question, I just watched you hyperventilate, text frantically, and then talk with Michael.”

 

Jeremy nodded his head left to right. It wasn’t the first time Jeremy had a slight breakdown in front of Jake. 

 

“At least I’m getting a second date? I just have to plan… it… out…” Jeremy’s face went neutral.

 

“Uh, Jeremy? Your brain finally explode?” Jake somehow got down without breaking anything.

 

“It’s going to be a long time before I get that second date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I would actually have good update habits if I stopped compulsively making one-shots.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm Jake.


End file.
